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What has happened to Flashy ??????????

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Stuart Bailey
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What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Thu Mar 29, 2012 9:17 pm

Recieved the August Issue of the Britannic Times today.

Seems that Chancellor Bismarck has caught the pox in Paris which is not going to do much for the French Tourist Industry and the world seems full of French Nuns. Which is worrying seeing how Bismarck caught the pox.

But what I want to know is why is the Britannic Times printing week old gossip from low class French Gossip Mags rather the going after the big stories? Its two months since the Flashman vanished in the Hindu Kush and poor General Gordon is still trapped by the Mad Mahdi and not a whisper.

I am starting to think the only way proper Britannic Hero's are ever going to get a mention is if they either save a French Nun or get Speared to death by one.

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Basileus on Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:38 pm

There does seem to be a lot of French nun activity in one way or another! Smile

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by J Flower on Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:17 pm

I'm Nun the wiser, maybe Bismark was Flashing the Nuns and got a dose from a Glas of Gordons Gin.

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:47 pm

Typical..............The Heroic Flashman could be dead or undergoing hellish torture at the hands of oriental despots and the only thing the Germans are bothered about is Bismark having to visit a pox doctor.

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by J Flower on Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:55 pm

But I am sure Herr Bismark is a fine upstanding Member of society, or it least he was until his recent illness.

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by That rabbit's dynamite on Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:00 pm

Just because Paris is home to the finest clap doctors in Christendom doesn't mean Bismarck acquired his infection there, people bring their maladies from all corners of the globe you know. Especially Germany. And I think the Britannic Times should feature more about the wholesome doings of nuns. Who wants to read about some willy-waving jingoistic fanatic anyway?

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:41 pm

Wholesome??????? These are not just any nuns we are talking about these are
S & M nuns!

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by J Flower on Mon Apr 02, 2012 11:49 am

Is that S&M or M&S nuns.

Who is the Flashing man any way, surley that is a crime all by itself. Nuns or no Nuns.

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:32 am

Nope, having seen the French Post Cards etc by Ken Russell these are most certainly S & M nuns.

The Flashing man as you term Sir Henry Flashman VC, Eton, 17/21 Lancers, Gentlemen of England first XI, hero of the British Empire & all round good egg. Vanished while on a diplomatic mission several months ago.

Since then not a mention in the press which is dominated by French Nuns and Bismark getting a dose of the clap.

Which in my view is a dashed poor show.

signed : Disgusted of Bitton

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by That rabbit's dynamite on Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:55 am

'Not just any nuns... S&M nuns' -- brilliant! I think the Spencers et Marc chain should open its burlesque boutique HQ in Paris immediately.

As for Flashy -- can't you just buy him back with a load of pointed sticks or soemthing? He was probably up to no good anyway.

Good to see that I've joined this forum as a 'surf'. Off to the beach now...

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Wed Apr 04, 2012 11:22 pm

I think any British company trying to sale English Champagne, Welsh Rochfort or
Yorkshire-Jewish burlesque from Leeds in Paris may run into problems with Licences and the like since the Emperor Napoleon III is very particular about his burlesque.

Alteratively he may love it. Hard to say since words like stable, sane and consistant are not normally seen in the same sentance as Boney III unless they have not in front of them. Why dont you give it a try?

Flashy up to no good?????? The man has a nighthood from the Queen for services to diplamacy!!!!

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Mon Apr 09, 2012 11:52 pm

Following the advise of the dynamite surfer I have attempted to buy a train concession and Flashy back for 50,000 plus sent lots of pointed sticks to varied Chums of the HEIC to try and prove that what a spiffing bunch of jolly good fellows we are (who don't deserve their diplomat being locked up).

If this does not work............rabbit stew is on the menu!

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by That rabbit's dynamite on Fri Apr 13, 2012 11:11 pm

Can't fail. Pointed sticks are cool, and their rehabilitation is long overdue. But as for rabbit stew, I refer you to the original source material (and don't even dream of trying to slip the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch past Richard...!)

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:41 pm

Has anyone noticed that we seem to have explosive rabbits in S of E,
Leather clad barking ferrets in G7 and killer Panda's in G8.

In the words of the great sage Elmer Fud " A Hunting we will go, A Hunting we will go"

And in a very bad French voice " I laugh at your Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch" ...........bring out the great bunny gun of Bombay!

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by J Flower on Sun Apr 15, 2012 7:55 am

Is it time to contact the NSPCA?
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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Jason on Sun Apr 15, 2012 6:01 pm

I, for one, welcome our new Killer Panda Overlords...

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Sun Apr 15, 2012 9:03 pm

Its Sept 1853 according to my issue of the Britannic Times and the HEIC claim the right of any English Gentleman to blast anything with fur, feathers or wings, stuff it and mount it over the jolly old fire place.

If I dont get Flashman back the new rug in the snug is going to be black and white ! And that pesky rabbit goes up alongside the Yeti !!!

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Sun Dec 09, 2012 9:55 pm

Great News in the June 1854 Britannic Times:

1) And in one bound the heroic "Flashy" was Free. Ok the HEIC had to send a whole Army to divert the guards but that is not important.

In other news

2) The Bismarck has lost not one but two mistresses in a matter of days but is careless but at least means his pox doctor can take some time off.

3) The Emperor Boney III has built a Pyramid............why??? His troops also invaded the Grand Erg and we shocked to find the locals equiped with modern rifles. I blame the Brits, their Italian rifle suppliers and Egyptian dockers and customs officials as we now seem to have loads of modern rifles floating around all over the Orient. At the rate its going the Italian, Brit, Persian and Egyptian troops trying (and failing) to put down the Mad Mahdi are going to end up being shot by their own Italian rifles.

4) But its not all bad news for the mighty Italian Army after taking intensive classes from their allies from Sima they have finally mastered the art of getting off a boat without falling in the docks! The conquest of Chin can now proceed according to plan

5) Finally that Jolly Good Chap Lord Francis Farnworth seems to be getting out of opium and into Banking and Newspapers. This may be for health reasons since the opium (or Khatt) trade seems to be dominated by Nuns one of whom shot Farnworth Senior in Berlin and who seem to have close links with Napoleon III, Bismarck and White Slavers. The Triads and the HEIC

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by J Flower on Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:27 am

TWO mistresses
if that is what blood & iron can do I'm off down the pub for a Guiness & a bloody Mary......

It's probably cheap imiatations from China that are being used to arm the various tribal revolts very unsporting, it's much more fun when the Europeans have the Maxims & the tribesmen are simply therowing stones.

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:35 am

For non SFE players - The really good news is that Flashman is now free! And able to return to his diplomatic duties.

The Italians with help from their friends have finally mastered the art of getting off a boat without falling in the docks but bets are still on hold about their ability to master the running of international music festivals and exporting rifles.

One missing batch of Italian Rifles do seem to have been found in North Africa were they were used to shot down French Cavalry while another lot seem to be with the Egyptian Customs Service.

The struggle between nuns, the Farnworth gang (Aka The Opium Cartel) & the HEIC and other interested parties seems to control the opium trade seems to be getting even rougher. affraid

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:20 pm

Have now recieved the July 1854 Britannic Times for non readers the highlights seem to be:

1) All talk about perfidious Albion is now to be replaced by PERFIDIOUS ITALIA - in what has got to be one of the most shocking actions to date the Italians and their ITC allies slaughtered women, children and old men and captured their ex ally King Addis of Massawa. What makes this really bad is that King Addis is a cripple and a minor martyr for the Christain faith, the Mahdi having cut his feet off when the King would not give up his own and his people's faith and embrace the Mahdi's Jihad which is still going really well.

Quite what Mahdi haters like Lord Derby (The British PM) will make of the Italian/ITC action is anyone's guess but I doubt if the Pope & the Archbishop of Canterbury will be happy. The Mahdi is believed to have said "I told you so"

2) In the Western Orient the French are still mates with their ally the Sultan of the Muurs but may be doubting if this is all that was promised by French Diplomats. Basically in exchange for a province and commercial benefits the French promised to expand the Sultan's rule over the southern tribes. A modern European Army against a bunch of tribesmen sometimes lead by another Islamic religious leader who oddly does not like French Wine and Banking.
In theory no problem.

3) Bavaria has revolted and someone blow up Bismarck hotel but the good news is that he has found a new mistress who is Italian. Not sure how this will go down in Christain Parts of Germany.

4) Nothing much happening in China apart from the price of opium being reduced by Siam which would seem to be good news for users and bad news for other suppliers like the Opium Cartel and mad Nuns.

5) More bad news for the Opium Cartel is that the Hon East India Company is starting to fight back. Reported in parts of the press as a relic of a past which would never be able to cope against modern 1850's trade companies the HEIC seems to be using 250 years of cunning and dirty tricks to hit back against its upstart rival.

Lord Derby is probably not very happy about economic wars between Brit companies......but when the HEIC pays lots of tax and supplies the British Navy & Army with Artillery while the Opium Cartel seems to avoid tax and be a front for some very bad eggs he probably blames the Opium Cartel for starting it ditto the rights for Women Movement. Not that the proposed withdraw of conjugal rights will bother the Derby Govt much since most of their Ladies have had a "headache" since 1848.

6) Finally the Russian Army seems to be on the march again.

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:30 pm

That rabbit's dynamite wrote:Can't fail. Pointed sticks are cool, and their rehabilitation is long overdue. But as for rabbit stew, I refer you to the original source material (and don't even dream of trying to slip the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch past Richard...!)

Gift's of pointed sticks can't fail he said! Pah !! it took the sending of a full scale military force to save Flashman and now the "pointed sticks" seem to be showing up all over the place. With the Martini-Henry Indea Pattern pointed stick seeming to be a favoured weapon of Nuns (when not equiped with Flame Throwers) & Moorish freedom fighters.

Mind you with Baron von Bismarck having a thing for Nuns and a new Moorish personal assistant its always possible they are fakes and knock off copies???????

To add to the problems of the Hon East Indea Company along with its mislaid pointy sticks its also being slandered in Whites Gentlemans's club and being sued for corruption and anti competative practices Sad . Its all lies! Honest Very Happy

The only good news in a warped kind of way is that everyone else seems to having their own problems for example:

1) The French deal with the Sultan of the Northern Moors to win the southern part of his Empire for him looks like a bit of a bum deal.

2) Bismarck still has a socialist revolt to deal with, is now on his third mistress (an Italian) and his Navy seems a to be the Prussian Yacht Squad Mk II! All the fun of the original plus added boiler problems.

3) The Italians have had to cancel the Eurograph contest due to internal problems and threats against the contestants. Own fault for allowing Bismarck & Nuns to take part.

Plus after their brutal and underhand slaughter of Christain women & children & inprisonment of King Addis of Mitsiwa opposition to the Italian/ITC take over is being rallied by a German Bishop.

4) The Italian action combined with the high handed actions of his own officers seems to have messed up Lord Derby united front against the Mahdi.

All in all I think S for E actually stands for Scrabble for Excuses.

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:07 pm

Sept 1854 Britannic Times has show up today for non players of this first rate and very baffling game:

1) The German Navy is defective - official

2) To the great Joy and relief of Music lovers everywhere - the Eurograph Song Contest has been cancelled and Bismarck amd his band have been arrested in Bavaria. Probably for crimes against music but since one of his men got thrown out for witchcraft you never can tell.

3) French attempts at tax collection via flame thrower seem to have failed and the Mahdi & some Persians seem to have decided that French S & M monks have to go!

4) Not much else in the way of proper wars but the "trade" wars are getting savage. Target No 1 seems as normal to be the HEIC but that Byzantine Organization of deep pockets often seem's a hard target - difficult to claim its not patriotic when it pays 600,000 a month tax and difficult to claim its a out of date or obsolete when its just paid 2M in dividends. The Opium Cartel and the ITC also came in for a bashing this month for the evils of pushing drugs and slaughtering Christains.

That left Global and the Tea Cartel in the clear for this month but I am sure its only a matter of time before they get linked to armies dealing, drug running or the white slave trade!

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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Stuart Bailey on Fri Mar 08, 2013 10:37 pm

October 1854 Britannic Times has shown up and now things are just getting silly:

1) French S & M nuns in the drugs trade we one thing but we now seem to have Lesbian Vampire Nuns with flame throwers!!!! Napoleon III & his henchmen have clearly been over doing the Opium !

Added problem's for the lackies of the Emperor is that the Mahdi and every religious leader in North Africa with the possible exception of Archbishop Schonnuller in Massawa seems to have declared a holy war against the French and their determination to flood the Orient with Nuns, wine, opium and even stronger stuff. Personally, I think they may have a point.

Normally a few tribesmen would not be a problem for French elan but in recent years rather s lot of modern rifles seem to have dumped/lost/sold in the deserts (inc another 9 batches of Italian Rifles which went missing this month)

Anyone for Tribal Machine V French Flame Throwers?

2) Bismarck still a captive of Bavarian Socialists and in his absence the German Military seem to have gone on the War Path with the Army slaughtering ex allies and the Navy hanging ship designers for turning out defective Iron Clads.

3) Dr Watson or should that be Herr Dr Von Watson? Got arrested spying on the Calcutta Arsenal of the HEIC just as it brings out its new Maxim Gun. The good Von Watson's cover story is that he was on a mission from the Osterreich Police Chief to find out who stole the blue prints from the HEIC Prague factory? It is unlikely that the HEIC and the ISB (India Special Branch) are going to believe a story that he was just checking to make sure that the HEIC was not stealing from themselves.

If past experience is anything to go by the good Dr Watson is going to have to turn Queens Evidence sharpish or he is Tiger bait.

4) Vienna has now got electric light and the Austrian Navy new Airships one of which crashed in Italy om its maiden trip.

5) The British seem to have made peace with the CSA & patched up their relations with Egipya.....some would say they are too busy having rows amongst themselves to spare the time and energy to fight anyone else.

6) Apart from the French & the Germans the people most fond of military glory seem to be the soldiers of the Czar. Out manovered, out thought and almost out fought the Cossack lackies of the Czar win another victory in Cherson by the cunning ploy of attacking with two colums and having four times as many men as the opponents.
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Re: What has happened to Flashy ??????????

Post by Basileus on Sat Mar 09, 2013 2:20 pm

Thanks for your updates Stuart. I do enjoy them for Scramble and Glory of Kings. Smile

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