Game 8

The problem with the Ottoman Empire at the moment is we are like a large unruly family, some of the family are not talking to each other and the parents (Sultan) are providing little guidence so you are never sure if any action you take will result in a clip about the air from an older brother or a younger sister will run to do a tattling.
Maybe we need the fox to be loose in the hen house to gain a united cause.

One Grain. (pilferer of eggs)

I should imagine that poor Rumelia's continuous harvest failures also puts a damper on their interest in conflict.

Yes Deacon I must confess it is rather hard to infuse fire in the belly of ones Dragoons when all they would rather do is grovel in the farmers muddy fields digging up earth worms for that
nights casserole. I have informed all my regimental commanders of the address of the best Cake & Sweet Shop in Sofia.
I am not sure as to what more a ruler can do.

One Grain.

Surely they need the address and map to the very best sweet & cake shop in Vienna!! Nothing is too good for your boys.......

Yes! Yes! Vienna. I wonder if you have the address of a good Cobbler that may be found there.
It seems some of my Musketeers have taken to eating their leather boots, Which my Quartermaster assures has given him an idea
of inlaying rice flakes into the soles of the boots calling it foot food. I however like the name of "Meals on Wheels" I wonder
if money can be made from this idea ?.

Ohh well time for my nap.

One Grain.

...and on tonight's menu....Mousse de la boue dans une panier de la pate de chaussures...

Ah how well accountants dine these days. Shocking news that the Emperor feels you are losing your touch! Time for a change of the Celestial Tack?

What is this? Some mere barbarian from a land with the uncouth name of Hanover thinks he is better than the Great Lord Fong????

MUSTER THE BANNERS!!!!!!

The Great Lord Fong, well known French speaking.Peking duck connoiseur and best customer to the greater Chinese jade and precious metal present making union!!
Now if you had said lets unfurl the sheets, tighten the ratlines and raise the anchor, I would have been worried but unfurl the banners!!! makes it sound like a promotion for my local chinese takeaway restaurant. There is one in Hanover byt he way. progress is an amazing animal.
Ithink you need time locked away in a quite room to think up of the greatest present you can think of the clestial emperor as the last one obviously didnt quite hit the spot. Good luck

Ahhh, Hessian...you make the mistake of the Barbarian...there is more than one Lord in China...and the one who the Emperor is annoyed with is not me

Lucky Old You....Not first on Emperors hit list...big sigh of relief

Anyway we Barbarians are havinga great time. look at the exploits of the incredible Bey of ottoman Rumelia,,, chasing large women everywhere......Portugals ruler writing his own forgeries of treaties and bribing certain middle ranking nobles etc to slip them into national archives....very machiavellian. Then there is the King of sweden who cannot give his nation away properly. All in all then barbarians are having a much more interesting time...unless you are going to tell me Lord Fong has written another best selling cookery book?????

That's the thing with fat women, you don't have to chase them far.
Besides it looks unseemly to run about the palace in my long robes.
Rumelia expects a certain amount of decorum from its leader.

One Grain.

An update on Game 8 as seen through the eyes of a ruling narcissus who's only goal in life is to per-take of the perfect Cream and Custard Éclair before he dies.

A) The pandering for Master Jethro Tull appears to have 3 nations bidding for his services, An Auction could be a boon to Lord Penbroke and England's coffers.  
    It also seems that the unification of England & Scotland have run into some speed bumps requiring some extra road-works.

B) News reports from the Hague suggest a sudden upsurge in theft and banditry from the United Provinces. However rumour suggests that it is nothing more than
   the populace endeavouring to further their education in trying to obtain the latest publication from Cologne.

C) Reports describe Her Steinbacher from Cologne as being the worlds first publisher of a page 3 girl. Due to the limited printing run demand far exceeded production.

D) Indications from the head of the Italian Inquisition in Rome Manuel Bento suggest he has discovered and error in Genesis 3.15 of the recently published Latin Vulgate Bible
    it is unclear how this will affect Bishop Schffmacher's incarceration. Pope Clement XI commended Bento on his dedication and asked how he found the error. To which Manuel Bento
    replied that the lord had spoken to him during the night stating that he should study with great care the contents contained within page 3.
    Pope Clement XI declared it was truly a miracle.

E) The price of 100,000 Rupees for a shipment of Chinese Tea Seeds demanded by the Moghul has astounded the citizens of Delhi, some say the Moghul would sell his Mother for a bathtub of said seeds.
    Word on the banks of the Ganges is that the Moghul appears to have lost his mind for a simple cup of Dilmah and many question his fitness to rule.

F) Eye witness accounts from the Levant describe the disasters befalling the Austrian Navy is due to an extremely vile Kraken who seams to have developed a taste for Austrian blood and is sucking ships
   to their doom en mass.

G) Astounded surprise was the general view of all Foreign Ambassador's in Mukden to Kahn Nurhaci of Manchuria regarding his request for information on his family members in charge of other Chinese Provinces.
    All agreed that due to the Royal families persistent inbreeding the family tree was so complicated and convoluted that the request was nothing more than a cunning trap set by the Khan with which any answer given
    could be used against them by the Kahn for political gain.
    All agreed that it would be best to use the advice of the 3 wise Monkeys in this regard.
    "See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil."

H) The arrest in Paris of a certain "William Bodie" for the crimes of detaining a Lady against her will and releasing air from a confined container resulting in a noise which many witnesses describe as similar to the
    spoken word "Bang" has resulted in a nation wide manhunt. Authorities say they are also looking for 2 other suspects in relation to this matter, No descriptions are available however it is believed the suspects are
    using the aliases of Cowley and Doyle.
    In relation to this matter the London incorporated company of ITV has released a statement regretting the decision to postpone production of next seasons pilot episode due to unforseen delays, it also states that
    in no way does ITV condone actions by certain parties not related to production activities and is in no way liable for injuries and damages incurred outside said activities.


Game 8 March 1703.

One Grain.

Now where I come from we look with desire for the ultimate custard slice, where the custard filling is of a semi solid constitution with the naughtiness of thin icing on top and the flakiness of grade A1 pastry!!
Chase that rather than large women around Rumelia!

Tsk Tsk Hessian, stirring I see...

Just as my fellow Governors have lost the use of their tongues, people might want to talk to Manchuria instead...that is all...unless they're Moghul, talk to the hand cause the teaseed ain't listening...

In Egypt we are a simple folk. Not for us chasing wholesome ladies or stuffing ourselves with fancy pastries.
Chasing camels, "come here you little bugger", and drinking lots of coffee whilst we catch our breath is excitement enough.

I really dont know whats wrong with young Ottomans these days:confused:  

In my day Ottomans used to spend their time in healthy outdoor activities ......hunting, shooting, fishing, blinding captured armies and trying to burn Venice, Poland and the Austrian Empire down to the bed rock. Not chasing substantial ladies and young camels around so they can feed them Turkish Delight!

The Empire is clearly going to the dogs!!

Your Majesty Hessian clearly the burden of ruling Prussia is having an effect on your senses! I suspect long hours spent reading reports by the dim light of burning candles have made you delusional.
My personal Physician reliably informs me that constant exposure to the aromas expelled by burning Whale Blubber can temporarily affect one's demeanour, From one leader to another I can give you
one word of advice, "Delegate" Let your underlings toil with the more mundane tasks and you can devote time to the more pleasurable aspects of leadership.
Then you could become acquainted with the difference between a "Custard Square" or as some who the English Crown slapped in leg irons and transported to a land down-under call a "Vanilla Slice" and
a "Custard Éclair"
I can tell you the delight of biting into a Custard and Cream Éclair topped with Chocolate and having the filling ooze onto ones fingers is simply a heaven's gift.

However my Chef informs me that the vagaries of the Prussian diet may have lead to your misconception, He informs me that a diet based on raw Sausage and Sauerkraut tends to mineral deficiency which
precludes the development of the more irresistibly voluptuous female form.
However I am more than happy to send a Pastry Chef Mission to Berlin if you so desire.

Regards.

One Grain. 

April 1703 Game 8

Musings from an apparent "Mewling Women" on the latest happenings in game 8. ( I must confess a tear did stain my cheek at such cutting comments.)

A) The London Town Watch apparently raided the establishment at No 14 Newburn St but left empty handed after finding the property empty. However a neighbour did state he thought the Gentleman who had
resided within had been named Cowley and spoke with a broad Scottish accent.
It appears the Gentleman Jethro Tull has decided to stay home and await an expected price rise in the bidding war for his services.

B) Herr Steinbacher from Cologne has espoused the benefits of establishing Beekeeping and the production of Beeswax Candles as a new investment in trade with the added benefit that the new candles don't attract
Vermin as the aroma from burning animal fat did with the older candles.
However this policy has not gone down well with some sections of the populace with reported grumblings from members of the Rat Catchers Guild resulting in street marches where the mob kept up a constant
cacophony of noise chanting "Hell No We Wont Go" and "Remember Hamlin". An elected spokesman declared that he was sure that Herr Steinbacher had not thought this new policy through as this would result in
an increase in vermin numbers as it would be harder to attract and kill them in sufficient numbers, also this would result in extra costs to the guild members which obviously must be passed onto their customers.

C) Graf Von Seydlitz of Munster has bemoaned his neighbours apparent land grabs, It is not sure if this is because he has been beaten to the punch and all the best bits are gone or that he genuinely has an abhorrence to
free market property development.

D) Hanover Engineers and Soldiers have been seen demolishing the fortifications around the city, Citizens have been asking if Prince George has joined a peace and love cult or if indeed he is nothing more than a very cunning
foreign spy planted many years hence and he is simply denuding Hanover of its defences.

E) It appears that there is little enthusiasm in Lisbon for Portuguese integration with Spain, As one fruit seller in Lisbon's main market stated it would be like a Portuguese dog allowing itself to be infested with Spanish Fleas.

F) The Doge of Venice has endured 6 days on a leaky boat in order to perform the "Wedding of the Sea" ceremony in which a carved ring was thrown into the Adriatic it was hoped by all that this would appease the Vile Kraken
inhabiting the Levant.

G) In Rome Manual Bento of the Italian Inquisition informed Bishop Scheffmacher that he is now free to leave due to an error in genesis 3.15 of the Vulgate Bible, It appears page 3 should have read " She (Mary) crushed the serpents head" rather than "it".
To which Bishop Scheffmacher stated that if more care had been taken in the "After Action Report" the dissimilation of history would be made more clear.
Also from Rome it seems that the Curia has been called into session to consider the future direction of the inquisition in regard to the previous happenings in Portugal.
To those of a learned bent able to read between the lines things don't look good for the Portuguese Dog and its Spanish Fleas who should beware of red attired religious zealots grasping a red hot poker aimed at their neither regions.

H) News from Constantinople is that the Ambassador from Khan Develet II of the Tartar hordes has asked the Grand Vizier for a meeting with the Sultan "who is the shadow of god upon earth", when asked the reason for the request the ambassador said that Khan Develet II expressed his concern that the Sultan was surrounded by mewling women in the form of Viziers and Beys who surround him. And that Khan Develet II would willingly lead the faithful to burn down Moscow, Vienna and Paris and turn all who would resist into slaves and it is that I would speak to him about.

I) It appears a simple cup of "Dilmah" tea has resulted in what some are calling the "Moghuls Dilmah Tea War" in response to the Moghuls underhanded attempts to acquire 3 ship loads of tea seed which has resulted in a furious response from the Chinese.
Manchurias emissary being recalled from Moghul India, on informing the Moghul of his departure he stated "How can the empire be friends with a nation that is so dishonourable to encourage others to break its laws"
Also a Chinese shipwright mission at Pipli to teach paddle wheels was also recalled.
It is clear that the Moghul disdained from seeking advice from the 3 wise monkeys in regard to diplomatic interaction with the Chinese Royal Family and as one women washing her clothes on a ghat next to the Ganges said it appeared the Mogul was up the Ganges without a paddle.

J) It appears that the Doge was successful as it seems that the Vile Kraken has moved to the Irish Sea and is finding English shipping very tasty.

One Grain. 

PS I am rather hurt having offered to raise an elite battalion of pastry chefs to accompany Khan Develet II and his Tartar horde on its murder and looting holiday on the Russian Steppes, After all what could be more comforting than
returning to camp to enjoy the delights of a dainty fairy cake.

You forgot to mention the Corsair fleet sailing into Sfax... 6 cruisers and 15 other vessels.

Yes the Corsair fleet ! I can only give the flimsiest excuse for this regrettable over-sight, It was 4am and I was tired when I posted the update.
Or I could say I was awaiting on confirmation if it was in fact the "Vile Kraken" that arrived in Sfax. ?
My apologies I will try to do better. 

One Grain. 

I think One Grain was right first time, no corsairs, no Sfax, nothing for anyone to be concerned about at all, please look the other way..........

From the may 1703 Paper, I read with great interest:

Great Moghul Aurangzeb has gone to Benares for the opening of a new Hindu temple. Standing in the building he delivered this address: “It is with great happiness that I can officially open this wonderful new temple here in Benares. This temple I open as a gift to the people of Benares and to the god Vishnu. I am sure the gods will listen and grant us many dreams in this temple. This will not be the last great temple I build here or elsewhere in Moghul lands. I intend to build many more, in the coming months and years. I am sure the gods will look very favourably upon us for embarking on such grand gestures to the gods. We gather here today to honour them all but this temple will stand as a grand gesture in the name of Vishnu. I now declare this great temple open.”

“From my very own pocket and fortune I have given my helpers 2,000 rupees to be distributed to the less fortunate members of Moghul society. I hope that you all remember this great day for years to come. Thisis only the start of the Great Moghul temple building. Now I leave you all to pray in this wonderful temple.”

His Highness, who is himself a Muslim, then surprised his Hindu hosts and shocked his Muslim nobles even more by praying in this pagan temple!


It will be interesting to see if the Moghul can pull off a move to secularism.  The Moghul position has a real challenge if they want to expand in India because Shirk, the deification of anything other than the singular god is probably the greatest sin that Islam has.  Polytheism, and offering any respect to such a god is a huge no-no.

But if the Moghul are going to conquer or rule any Hindus, trying to do mass conversions at the point of a sword is going to be pretty tough.  So if you can force your Islamic nobles to stomach the idea that you tolerate the Hindus, you can open the door to ruling them without the river of blood that forced conversions would likely lead to, but I can't imagine how huge the honour hit of this would be.  It strikes me as comparable to the Pope announcing he was tired of celibacy and was going to marry... and take a couple of husbands! (at least to your Muslim nobles... if you have or make some Hindu nobles, they'll probably love you for it.)

Of course, it's always hard to know what Richard thinks, and what is happening behind the scenes, but I think the Moghul has a big brass pair and I wish him luck!  As someone who has tried to swim against the tide of my own position, it can be a rough road, but rewarding.

Yes, the honour hit will almost certainly be massive and sustained after that performance, and the Mughal empire is not on the "honour list" so I wonder if the Gtreat Moghul can survive the storm this will create. Perhaps he would be somewhat safer with a bit more honour to work with before pulling this stunt.

May 1703 Game 8. Update as seen by a Mewling Women.

A) London, The denial of last rites to the prisoner John Hadwell before his execution at the Tower of London has surprised many who are wondering if the rumours that Hadwell was involved in a
spy ring run by the mysterious Mr Cowley are in fact true and that the Government is involved.

B) The Hague, Admiral Pritchard Von Halshiem has decried the general dilapidation of the Dutch Navy, Stating that under his guidance the service will be modernized with regards to new Ships
and training and it will spend less time in port. However this new policy did not go down well with some of the seamen who grumbled that more time in port lessened the chance of attack from
the "Vile Kraken" which seemed to have moved north from the Levant.

C) Munster, Prince-Bishop of Munster has offered to raise 5 military units for the new alliance with Hanover, Brunswick and Hess-Kassel, He boasted that the mere existence of these units would
deter any thought of invasion and in fact he thought that due to their superb uniforms he doubted that any foreign unit could bring themselves to fire for fear of shame.

D) Liege, Archbishop Clemens and Officer Steinbacher have offered solace to the Duke of Norfolk and Senor Portocarrero during their stay in Liege-Cologne.

E) Hanover, It seems Prince George is to become a father again.

F) Dresden, It seems the Whistle trade is in decline after Johann Denner was arrested for unpaid debts.

G) Copenhagen, While visiting Denmark Prince Fredrick III of Brandenburg-Prussia was offered to inspect the Danish Navy by the Danish King which included live firing exercises unfortunately due
to a lack of wind the fleet had to be towed by jolly boats into the sound, However the King did provide some mirth when he strode to the prow of the ship then flung his arms out shouting "I'm the
king of the world".

H) El Escorial, It seems King Pedro is looking for a wife which has created quite a stir within the noble houses of Portugal and Spain.

I) Venice, It seems that Venice and Portugal-Spain have agreed to lifting tariffs between their Nations, However a motion to find a suitable bride for King Pedro from one of the noble houses was
derided as simply beyond the pale as surely no fair Venetian maiden would lower herself to that of caretaker to a Portuguese Dog and Fleas.

J) Salonica, The Rumelian Bey has continued his Pastry Chef recruiting tour with his party leaving for Athens.

K) Constantinople, Khan Devlet's Ambassador upon meeting the Grand Vizier relayed his masters message and request to meet the Sultan. The Grand Vizier then informed the Ambassador that a
meeting with the Sultan could not be arranged at this time but that any new views on ideas could be relayed to him at the Palace of the Sublime Porte, However he was to relay to his master the
Khan that he did not make policy for the Ottoman Empire as that was the preserve of the Sultan who is appointed by Allah and his chief advisers who are appointed as slaves "by this slave of Allah"
and a Jihad against the unbelievers would happen when the time is right. To which the Ambassadors mouth opened then shut 2 times without making a sound, The Grand Vizier later related it was
like watching a beached fish on a sandbank in the Danube River, and he was sure that the only thing that stayed the ambassadors tongue was the vision of his loosing his head.

L) Alexandria, It seems the Suez Canal project is gathering pace with English shipwrights arriving to teach their skills to Egyptian tradesmen.

M) Benares, Great Moghul Aurangzeb has instituted tax collectors freeing the nobles from this task. The Moghul has also introduced a policy of building hindu temples through-out the land.
This has not gone down well with the Muslim populace which is a portent to trouble, already local traders are reporting a high demand for Flint and tree moss which everyone knows are the
basics for a camp fire starter kit.


One Grain.